No , that was not a spell error! I am not remembering my dates, but I am actually remembering my movie dates, - the strange experiences that I had , all thanks to the various assorted company I used to be with while going for movies. Thanks to that wide varied experiences, I can in fact write a treatise on the subject of type of movie goers.
Well not exactly a treatise but surely a blogpost I can attempt , from my collections of stories of weird behaviour patterns.
The poker-
No , not the poker faced audience, but rather companions who literally poke you at every scene of the movie. Now there was this friend of mine, a dear ole girl, but who had this annoying habit of going on-
Ha ha ha Did you see did you see how he fell? Poke!
Oh my God! that was scary! it came out of the wall just like that! did you see did you see?Poke!
Oh dear , Arshad Warsi is hilarious? Did you hear what he said? Poke!
Of course I heard, Of course I saw and of course I know I am supposed to watch it. I really don't need the kind reminders with the unkindly pokes. Please spare me the care and love but I do have a 6/6 vision, a fantastic hearing, no wax and an IQ of 100 to understand that much of the half baked film plot. But commentary is something inborn in us humans I suppose , most of us that is and this is one torture I am subjected to quite frequently and I am sure, I am not the only one.
The rewind-
Now if the poker was an instant replay then, the Rewind will ask, no- demand that you give him/her a repeat account of the last scene or each and every scene.
What did he say? What did he say?
what happened ? Why is she crying?
Why the music?
Why this ? What that? Who that?
And no the person is not physically or mentally challenged. No handicaps, excellent vision with or without glasses and accurate hearing, no language barrier (or else she/he wouldn't be watching the movie, right? ) but has this irritating habit of seeking reassurance of his /her mental and physical faculties by cross matching with the companion's, to check if he/she indeed got it right.
This behaviour might be tolerated from a four or five year old kid- I am specifically using the word 'tolerated' because tolerating is exactly the word even for a five year old angelic kid, but from a fully grown adult- well it's a miracle that the perpetrator survives after his gruesome act of idiocy.
The Crystal Ball Gazer-
Now this type of cine goer are so restless and impatient , that they can hardly wait for the two and half hours to see through the end. And I am not even speaking about the gripping suspenseful movie. It can be any movie from a kiddish animated movie to a romedy.
What do you think? Will the hero marry her?
What do you think, will her father like the dress that she wears?
Will the heroine wait for him?
I think the movie will end this way. I think the next scene will be about that. Wadda you say?
And the crystal ball gazer will double up as the NDTV reporter and query you with all seriousness of a reporter asking your opinion on the performance of the stock market in the coming year, till you pass out in frustrated dehydration. I just do not understand what major environmental shifts can be avoided by not waiting for the next five minutes for the story to unfold and instead jumping towards a conclusion. Why watch a movie then, why not just ask the story from a friend after he/she watches it undisturbed.
The impassive stone wall-
When we go to watch a dream on celluloid , a saga or even a sub standard plot, we immerse momentarily into it. We cry with the characters. We are scared, we are angry, we laugh and at gripping moments we literally sit on the edge of the seat. That is the magic of cinema! A little amount of animation is expected. It is expected of a viewer to discuss the movie, even cuss the movie. But in a completely diametrically opposite manner to the above, these variety just sits like a vampire. A literal stonewall , you begin to wonder if at all they were alive when the movie was going on. Some even incredulously asking midway - hey! which movie are we watching. Some even don't remember what they watched. This is not because you dragged them to watch the movie of your choice . That is because they are built that way- Impassive and immune to celluloid dreams.
The eternal critic
The eternal critic will not find a single moment in the movie that lives upto his expectations. He will literally run a parallel script as the movie progresses . commenting almost non stop. Full of gyan and confidence , you will find him mouthing substitute dialogues, suggestions about the costumes and shots, sometimes even hooting at the characters in such a manner as if they are sitting just two rows in the front listening to them loud and clear. They are a complete nuisance and you better donate your tickets if you happen to be in the company of the same. At least you will have the satisfaction of the sense of generosity in yourself.
And finally we have the Nosey escort who is interested in everything and everyone except the movie.
They will rattle of the exact number of viewers in the audi, the dress that you neighbour was in, the statistics of the couple necking at the corner, the color of the nail polish of the cutie that was at the snacks counter behind you , but ask anything about the movie and their standard reply would be
"Oh! that? i think I missed that scene! just that scene..."
"Oh really? was it so? I must have gone to the loo then"
And so you see that movie is just a pretext for that person to probably connect with his or her object of interest - and that is people.
So that were some of the major behavioural disorders seen among movie goers . How many of the types have you encountered? Do you have some more types? If so, I would rather be enlightened here than be by personal experience.
Well not exactly a treatise but surely a blogpost I can attempt , from my collections of stories of weird behaviour patterns.
The poker-
No , not the poker faced audience, but rather companions who literally poke you at every scene of the movie. Now there was this friend of mine, a dear ole girl, but who had this annoying habit of going on-
Ha ha ha Did you see did you see how he fell? Poke!
Oh my God! that was scary! it came out of the wall just like that! did you see did you see?Poke!
Oh dear , Arshad Warsi is hilarious? Did you hear what he said? Poke!
Of course I heard, Of course I saw and of course I know I am supposed to watch it. I really don't need the kind reminders with the unkindly pokes. Please spare me the care and love but I do have a 6/6 vision, a fantastic hearing, no wax and an IQ of 100 to understand that much of the half baked film plot. But commentary is something inborn in us humans I suppose , most of us that is and this is one torture I am subjected to quite frequently and I am sure, I am not the only one.
The rewind-
Now if the poker was an instant replay then, the Rewind will ask, no- demand that you give him/her a repeat account of the last scene or each and every scene.
What did he say? What did he say?
what happened ? Why is she crying?
Why the music?
Why this ? What that? Who that?
And no the person is not physically or mentally challenged. No handicaps, excellent vision with or without glasses and accurate hearing, no language barrier (or else she/he wouldn't be watching the movie, right? ) but has this irritating habit of seeking reassurance of his /her mental and physical faculties by cross matching with the companion's, to check if he/she indeed got it right.
This behaviour might be tolerated from a four or five year old kid- I am specifically using the word 'tolerated' because tolerating is exactly the word even for a five year old angelic kid, but from a fully grown adult- well it's a miracle that the perpetrator survives after his gruesome act of idiocy.
The Crystal Ball Gazer-
Now this type of cine goer are so restless and impatient , that they can hardly wait for the two and half hours to see through the end. And I am not even speaking about the gripping suspenseful movie. It can be any movie from a kiddish animated movie to a romedy.
What do you think? Will the hero marry her?
What do you think, will her father like the dress that she wears?
Will the heroine wait for him?
I think the movie will end this way. I think the next scene will be about that. Wadda you say?
And the crystal ball gazer will double up as the NDTV reporter and query you with all seriousness of a reporter asking your opinion on the performance of the stock market in the coming year, till you pass out in frustrated dehydration. I just do not understand what major environmental shifts can be avoided by not waiting for the next five minutes for the story to unfold and instead jumping towards a conclusion. Why watch a movie then, why not just ask the story from a friend after he/she watches it undisturbed.
The impassive stone wall-
When we go to watch a dream on celluloid , a saga or even a sub standard plot, we immerse momentarily into it. We cry with the characters. We are scared, we are angry, we laugh and at gripping moments we literally sit on the edge of the seat. That is the magic of cinema! A little amount of animation is expected. It is expected of a viewer to discuss the movie, even cuss the movie. But in a completely diametrically opposite manner to the above, these variety just sits like a vampire. A literal stonewall , you begin to wonder if at all they were alive when the movie was going on. Some even incredulously asking midway - hey! which movie are we watching. Some even don't remember what they watched. This is not because you dragged them to watch the movie of your choice . That is because they are built that way- Impassive and immune to celluloid dreams.
The eternal critic
The eternal critic will not find a single moment in the movie that lives upto his expectations. He will literally run a parallel script as the movie progresses . commenting almost non stop. Full of gyan and confidence , you will find him mouthing substitute dialogues, suggestions about the costumes and shots, sometimes even hooting at the characters in such a manner as if they are sitting just two rows in the front listening to them loud and clear. They are a complete nuisance and you better donate your tickets if you happen to be in the company of the same. At least you will have the satisfaction of the sense of generosity in yourself.
And finally we have the Nosey escort who is interested in everything and everyone except the movie.
They will rattle of the exact number of viewers in the audi, the dress that you neighbour was in, the statistics of the couple necking at the corner, the color of the nail polish of the cutie that was at the snacks counter behind you , but ask anything about the movie and their standard reply would be
"Oh! that? i think I missed that scene! just that scene..."
"Oh really? was it so? I must have gone to the loo then"
And so you see that movie is just a pretext for that person to probably connect with his or her object of interest - and that is people.
So that were some of the major behavioural disorders seen among movie goers . How many of the types have you encountered? Do you have some more types? If so, I would rather be enlightened here than be by personal experience.
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